I've been playing it out in my mind
the way it's going to end
The time and day change but the end remains the same
I'll most likely spend the preceding days and nights attached to your side
inhaling each exhale as if it were your last
Then,
when you're gone and the reality of what was is not what is
I'll crumble
as if built of marbles
into a million tiny parts
on the last place I kissed you,
the last place I whispered I love you
the last place that was me
the me that is you
some of my parts will roll away
after you
some will be lost
forgotten
and some will heave
the torrential downpour
that is sure to come
as I scramble
there on the sidewalk
to find you

Things I swore

I always promised myself that when faced with a terminal illness I would look it straight in the eye and laugh as I continued living, even if it was in the shadow of a foreseen end.

I was wrong.