Impossible

It's impossible that you ever loved me as deeply as I love you. Impossible.

Profound Sadness

Frank Bramley, "A Hopeless Dawn"

I no longer tell time by where you are or what you might be doing. I've gained an hour and stay in my own time zone.

One more loss.

Gone

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh no, no, no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

-Stevie Smith

Panic

The worst part is the solemn desperation that grips me 24 hours a day. I hate being desperate, it's pathetic, but it's what I am.

Thirst

I crave you. Usually I feel emotionally starved, but today my body aches for you too. You're touch was magic in it's finest form. I long to be with you, hold you holding me, to make your body do the things yours did to mine. You were the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. A euphoric drug it took 30 years to find. Your lips, your hands, your everything.

Today I crave you. Today I'd throw it all away to have you, all of it. I'd choose you over the faith that tore us apart. I would choose you a million times over.

I'd give 20 years of my life to feel you one last time.

2009

A clean slate, with nothing to write.

I still scream