6.17.08

8:05am

It’s done.

There really are those defining moments where everything moves so fast that you feel like it’s slow motion. You grow hyper aware of your surroundings, the trees, that bird squealing across the pond. You know it’s all playing in slow motion because you actually notice the change in your heart. Not a thud, not a crash. A hardening. “so this is what it’s like” you tell yourself, no longer wondering why people get sick at these moments.

Good-bye. You said “good bye”. With the authority of finality, you actually said them. The words choked in my throat. If there was ever something I never wanted to hear it was good-bye.

That final kiss is never as good as you hope and want it to be, it’s too fraught with anxious sorrow and the pleading that this really isn’t happening.

I watched as life took you away, the scream I have been carrying around for the last few a months slowly starting to escape. I watched until there was nothing left to watch.

Then I sat, on the side of the street that hasn’t completely succumbed to civility and waited. I sat and begged you to come back. Come back. Come back babe. Come back. I pet the sidewalk. Comforted by it’s cool roughness, knowing that of all the things around me, it was the only soul that understood. Come back. The words slowly changed to thoughts.

I sat there, knowing that the minute I stood up, I was accepting this. Accepting life as it exists at this moment. Accepting the rock in my chest. Accepting everything that no longer means anything.

I sat there. My begging turned into a hope that you’d come back. Then I stood, and my legs walked me back to the house. The house where you’re love no longer lives.