There is a heavy nothingness that has descended upon me. I can't even explain it. Good hell, I'm careening towards 6 months, 1/3 of the time I had you, and I feel like it was yesterday. I feel like happiness was only a day away. But it's almost 6 months. Strange, incomprehensible. My life is incomprehensible. No one can explain it to me. Grief has become my constant companion, and what a dreaded cloud of darkness that is. I don't know if it will ever be ok again. I don't know if I will ever wake up from this hell. My spirit has been sucked from me. Taken. I don't even know how to pretend. I'm beyond all feeling. Beyond all hope.