I miss you

You've visited a lot of my dreams over the last few weeks.  I don't know why. 

Memories of you, and me, pop in my head more and more.  They make me smile.  One of the few things that do these days.  Sometimes I laugh out loud, and for a moment my heart feels lighter.  For a moment I feel a reprieve from the dark, oppressing weight of the depression that has been my constant companion for so many years. 

Years.

I wonder if I can, or will, ever be happy like I was with you.  I wonder if that's possible.  I wonder so many things.  Like does God exist.

So many things lost.  So few things gained.

You still make me smile. 

And cry.