Another Day

I'm obsessed with time these days. I can't stop thinking about it. The hours just keep ticking by. Soon it will be the 17th and you will have been gone 5 months. I can't fathom it. After five comes 6. Half a year. It can't possibly have been that long since I saw you, touched you, loved you. It can't. The last 4+ months have been a complete blur, a thick haze, the worst storm I've ever endured. Denial. I live in total and complete denial. I wish I could will myself away, the pain is crushing. I'm not Atlas. Part of the problem is I carry you with me, I refuse to let you go. No matter how much logic fills my head, my heart continues to hold on. I continue to wish for you. Wait for you. I repeat the last works you said to me. How you were never yourself, stifled. I know you lied. The you I knew lied. We spent endless days together, nights together, weeks together. You didn't want to go out with anyone else because you couldn't get enough of me, those were your words not mine. But I repeat your last words, over and over again, hoping that they will ease my aching heart. They do, and they don't. Because the you that was when you were with me was genuine and real, but the you that is without me is someone else. Someone who would never have liked me to begin with.